Hello everyone. I know you are probably wondering where I've been. Well I've been one busy person. I haven't had time to really sit and continue this blog. Last month marked 2 years since Rondell has been gone. Time is certainly flying by. Of course I think about Rondell quite often. I think about who he was as a person, as a husband, as a father, most of all as a true man of God. I saw God transform him into a new creature.
When cancer came into our lives, I remember Rondell saying he asked God why him? Why was he dealing with cancer? He said God told him "because you can handle it." Whatever Rondell went through in life, he said he could control or fix. But this was one problem he couldn't fix. This was the one thing he had no control over. He had to completely and totally depend on God for this particular situation. I can still hear him saying "Tangie, God has put me in a place where I cannot fix this...There is nothing I can do except pray and live everyday as if it is my last day. For once in my life, my hands are tied." What a hard and tight place to be in.
I cannot tell you how many times we prayed and fasted repeatedly for total healing and deliverance of cancer. Some may say God didn't answer our prayers. Honestly, yes I did too think the same way when our whole world changed once again on January 30, 2012. I would be lying if I said I was acceptable to everything on that dreadful day. Of course I questioned God. "God Why?" "God where were you?" "Why didn't you answer our prayers?" "What kind of God are you to take a father away from his children?" Yes I caught a tantrum with God. But after I had gotten all of the frustration and anger out, I quickly apologized and repented to God because He's still God.
God then brought back to my rememberance June 6, 2006, when the door called cancer was opened. The doctors really weren't hopeful for Rondell's recovery back then. God then showed me the time that the cancer was trying to literally "choke" Rondell's tubes to his kidneys which caused a great deal of pain and sleepless nights for Rondell. Then God showed me how I could have been left pregnant with our twin girls giving birth to them by myself. But Rondell was here for that and for 9 months of their lives. Rondell was a miracle. If God really wanted to take Rondell, He could have taken him in 2006. However, that wasn't Rondell's appointed time to leave the earth. There was more work to be done and more of God's glory to shine through Rondell.
So yes God did answer our prayers, but the answer was no to healing on this side. We must all come to realize that God's answer to prayer is not always yes, yes, yes. His answers are yes, no or wait. The will of God is perfect. He does not make mistakes. He knows what's best for us. He knows what we need and when we need it. He knows what we need before we even know what we need.
Through all of this God has shown me that His will is going to be done no matter what. It's okay to make plans and have dreams for the future, but God's plans will always supercede your plans. I look back and think about all the plans Rondell and I made for the future. We were going to travel after retirement, watch our children grow up, see them off to college, see them have a family of their own and most of all traveling with RJ playing college football for Alabama and Nick Saban!!! (Rondell loved the Roll Tide!!!) At the blink of an eye, all of that changed. I've learned to look at things differently. I don't belong to myself. My life is not my own. I am nothing without God. I cannot breathe without God. I can't even move without God. Life is but a vapor.
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